Coping with Change (as a Neurodivergent Individual)

Change can be hard, even when it is something you have chosen.  That might sound strange. Surely if you have made the decision yourself, and you know it is the right one, it should feel easier?  But  it doesn’t always not work like that.

I have been thinking about this a lot recently, as I move from the counselling room I have worked from for the last seven years. It is a move I have chosen. Logically, I know it is the right decision. The new space will be better for my business, better for growth, more comfortable for clients, and in many ways it makes complete sense. And yet, I have still found myself struggling with the change, not because I doubt the decision, but because change can bring up so many different thoughts and feelings.

When something has been familiar for a long time

Seven years is a long time to be in one place, my counselling room became more than just a room. It held my routines, memories, conversations, endings, beginnings, difficult moments, meaningful moments, the start and growth of my business, and lots of ordinary in-between moments too.

For me, my old office has been part of my working life for a long time. I know the journey there. I know where things go. I know how it feels when I walk in. I know the light, the sounds, the layout, the little details that probably would not matter to someone else, but matter because they are familiar, and familiarity can be deeply regulating.

For neurodivergent people, like myself, familiar places, routines and patterns can help the world feel a little more predictable. They can reduce the amount of thinking, adjusting and processing I/we need to do. When something changes, even something positive, my/our brain and body may need time to catch up.

Knowing something is right does not mean it feels easy

This is something I have had to remind myself.

I can know, logically, that this move is positive.

I can understand all the reasons it makes sense.

I can feel excited about what it might make possible.

And I can still feel unsettled, sad, anxious, overwhelmed, or resistant.

Those things can exist at the same time, its okay.

Sometimes I think we can place an expectation on ourselves to feel only one way. If something is good, we should feel happy. If we chose it, we should feel confident. If it is a step forward, we should not be finding it hard. But being human is rarely that simple.

Change often involves a mixture of feelings. There may be excitement and grief - hope and fear - relief and uncertainty - pride and sadness - a sense of possibility, alongside a longing for what has been known.

None of this means the choice is wrong. It means change is change.

Change and neurodivergence

For many neurodivergent people (it’s important to note here this wont be every neurodivergent individuals experience), change can bring particular challenges.

It may involve more uncertainty, more transitions, more decisions, more sensory information, and more hidden mental work than other people realise.

Even when a change is wanted, there may be a lot to process:

• What will the new space feel like?

• Will the lighting, sounds, smells or layout be different?

• What will the journey be like?

• Where will everything go?

• What if I forget something?

• What if it does not feel right straight away?

• What will happen to the routines that helped me feel settled?

These may look like practical questions, but they can carry emotional weight too.

Change asks the nervous system to adjust. For some people, that adjustment happens quite quickly. For others, it takes longer. Neither is wrong.

The grief of moving forward

I think there can be grief in positive change. That grief might not be about wanting to stay exactly where we are. It might be about acknowledging what a place, routine or chapter has meant to us. Moving forward often means leaving something behind. That does not mean we are ungrateful for the next step. It does not mean we are stuck in the past. It simply means we are allowing ourselves to notice that something has mattered.

For me, leaving a room I have worked from for seven years is not just a practical business decision. It is also an ending. It is saying goodbye to a space that has been part of my work, my growth and my everyday life and there has been a grief in that.

It makes sense that there are feelings attached to that.

Making change gentler

I don't think we always need to force ourselves to “embrace change” immediately. Sometimes we need to make change gentler and more manageable.

That might mean:

• giving yourself time to adjust

• visiting a new place more than once before fully moving in

• keeping some familiar objects around you

• taking photos of the space you are leaving

• creating small rituals to mark the ending

• planning recovery time around the transition

• breaking tasks into smaller steps

• reminding yourself that unsettled feelings do not mean you have made the wrong choice

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Sometimes it helps to name what is happening:

“This is new.”

“My brain is adjusting.”

“I can know this is right and still find it hard.”

“I do not have to feel settled straight away.”

There can be a lot of kindness in allowing ourselves time and in giving yourself compassion to feel what you are feeling, no matter what mix of emotions that is.

Rest and transition

Change takes energy.

Even when we are excited, even when things are going well, transition can be tiring. There may be extra admin, conversations, planning, packing, decision-making and emotional processing.  If you are neurodivergent, you may also be managing the additional energy of adapting to new sensory and practical information. So it makes sense to need more rest during periods of change.

Rest is not a sign that you are not coping. It might be part of how you cope.  It might mean doing less where possible, simplifying routines, saying no to extra demands, allowing time alone, or keeping some parts of life very predictable while other parts are changing.

Sometimes the most supportive thing you can do is lower the pressure rather than expect yourself to manage everything exactly as usual.

You do not have to rush yourself

There can be a temptation to move quickly into “the new thing” and expect yourself to be fine.

But adjustment takes time.

You might feel unsettled at first, I do with this move.

You might compare the new place to the old one, I have.

You might miss the familiar, even while appreciating the new.  Again I have.

 You might need to rearrange things several times before they feel right. I expect this is part of my next few weeks!

And you might need to let the new space become familiar slowly. Again I think it will take me a little while to adjust.

That is okay.

New spaces, routines and chapters often need time to feel like yours.

How counselling can help with change

Counselling can offer a space to explore change gently, especially when the feelings around it feel complicated.

You do not have to have a “big” reason to find change difficult. You do not have to justify why something is affecting you. If it feels hard, it matters.

In therapy, we might explore:

• what change brings up for you

• how uncertainty affects your nervous system

• the routines, places or relationships that help you feel safe

• the grief that can come with endings

• ways to support yourself through transitions

• how neurodivergence, anxiety, trauma or burnout may shape your response to change

• how to move forward without dismissing what you are leaving behind

Therapy is not about forcing yourself to be okay with everything. It is about making space for what is real, understanding your responses, and finding gentler ways to move through life.

A final thought

Change can be the right thing and still be hard.

You can choose something, want something, and know it makes sense — and still need time to adjust.

If you are neurodivergent, or if change often feels bigger for you than it seems to for other people, you are not being difficult or overdramatic. Your brain and nervous system may simply need more predictability, more processing time and more care.

As I move from a space I have known for seven years into somewhere new, I am reminding myself of this too.

It is okay to feel excited and unsettled.

It is okay to need time.

It is okay to honour what has been while making room for what comes next.

Change does not have to be rushed. Sometimes we can move forward gently, one step at a time.